why a digital hoard?

i know this is supposed to be a fast and loose blog-like activity but my first go at this was a little too real and a little bit of a downer also. so instead, some quick bullet points about my digital hoard (aka digital garden but i love me my dragon theming):

(edit: y'know i still made this pretty personal huh. whoops)

• i am unfortunately not in a great place mentally
  • the general state of the world, job search not going well (partially as a result of that)
  • parents not acknowledging the emotional burden of it all and also just being overly critical and pushy about what i should and shouldn't be doing
• many factors irl not really making me comfortable enough to express myself (see above)
  • though i am taking the plunge and maybe going to my uni's furry club this semester??? i don't know how that'll turn out. feel kinda disconnected from furry subculture
  • (i am also going to check out at least two other, slightly more "useful" clubs for my major so i can do... *shudder* networking...)
• thus i want to be able to be more authentic to myself, and be able to share that, online
  • if i don't express myself, it'll be as if i never existed in the first place. i don't want that
  • so i wanna fuckin live to see myself break outta all this and bring it out irl!!!
• though uh, The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known, huh
  • yeah. i'm workin on it. look if you've ever wanted to talk to me please just do it i get so worked up about starting conversations that i psyche myself out of it nearly every time. corner me. ask me about stuff. i feel bad putting that burden onto others but like. get me interacting with you and the floodgates will eventually open i'm pretty sure
• to bring it back to digital gardening/hoarding, Posting just feels too much like an Event to me
  • too many possible people seeing it. less eyes on it generally will probably help with that
  • just wanna have less pressure/friction doing it. i'm pretty sure i have undiagnosed ADHD with all the fuckin executive function issues i have so this could help

that's basically it i think. i just gotta decide when to end it with this stuff. bye

Back to Hoard